I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
