omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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