then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
