I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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