found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Pants are for mortals
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
