i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
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