8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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