Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
