he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
