We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
