yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
