There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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