Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
