She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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