He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
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It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
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They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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