Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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