No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
