He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
