you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
