just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
