He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
