okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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