I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
