I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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