Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
