sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I want to be your penis for a week.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
