saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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