Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
