I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
