If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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