she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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