i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
