This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
