My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
