I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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