Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
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I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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