I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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