Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
