So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
