Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
