Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
