JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
