Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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