Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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