When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
