so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
