I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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