Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
