she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
