the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
