STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
