You can't special order awesome
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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