the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
