if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
