Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize