The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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