She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
