the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
