at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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