Ambien. No doubt about it.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
