We're like a lot better than the average bears
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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