I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
