We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
