just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
