if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
