Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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