i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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