So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
