forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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