Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
