dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My bed smells like the plague
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
