i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
