i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm really busy with my period
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