All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
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You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
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Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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