I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
