oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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